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<title>A Diagram of the Commander and Patrician by braigwen_s</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700095">A Diagram of the Commander and Patrician</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/braigwen_s/pseuds/braigwen_s'>braigwen_s</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Discworld - Terry Pratchett, city watch discworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Disabled Character, Crack, not tagging as a romance because it barely comes across as a friendship, vimes can absolutely stay mad at vetinari but he still swandives to the rescue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:20:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/braigwen_s/pseuds/braigwen_s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Havelock Vetinari &amp; Samuel Vimes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Diagram of the Commander and Patrician</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>FIG. 1: Vimes is shouting at Vetinari, gesticulating with one finger.  Vetinari is receiving this dressing-down impassively, standing up perfectly upright against his desk.</p><p>FIG. 2: Vimes has stopped shouting, and is hastily standing with his hands by his sides, now looking worried.  Vetinari is leaning forwards, balancing on one leg, pointing at Vimes’ chest with his cane.</p><p>FIG. 3: Vimes has now taken half a step backwards, his hands still by his sides, and is leaning backwards as well.  Vetinari is leaning further forwards, his leg further extended and off the ground, cane still pointed precisely over Vimes’ heart.</p><p>FIG. 4: Vimes has now taken an additional step backwards, and Vetinari is leaning at an angle that must be breaking the laws of physics.  Otherwise, all remains the same.</p><p>FIG. 5: Vetinari has extended his predatory black flamingo leg too far, and starts to fall rapidly towards the ground face-first.  Vimes has snapped back upright, looking alarmed.</p><p>FIG. 6: Vimes has thrown himself forwards, and under Vetinari.  Vetinari has landed on top of him.  Vimes hit the floor pretty hard.</p><p>FIG. 7: A voice from outside Vetinari’s office – Drumknott – asks if everything is quite alright with His Lordship.  Vetinari and Vimes both look alarmed, aware that appearances would suggest they are in a “compromising situation”.</p><p>FIG. 8: Vetinari, perfectly composed, replies “perfectly alright” with a calm tone of voice.  Vimes, still underneath him, lets out a sigh of relief.</p>
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